Thyself:
When did you first notice this...condition?
Me:
I’m not exactly sure what you mean.
Thyself:
When did you consider your place in your environment, your
seasonal moodiness, your place in the world.
Me:
It was not an instantaneous process, it has been very
evolutionary.
Thyself:
You speak as if this process is not complete.
Me:
It goes on every day.
There are some days when the concept is radically
different, My favorite analogy is the day that you consider
your parents as people, and not the gods of your childhood,
that day, all real innocence is lost.
I have tried to relate this experience to many
people, some awaken at the mention of the concept, some
attach no significance, some cannot comprehend the fact that
their parents were once people.
Thyself:
You are avoiding the question with a detail.
Me:
No, let me explain further.
The day you realize your parents were once like you,
they met, they were hormonal, they danced the dance of life,
etc. When you
truly understand this concept, once they share your doubt,
frustration, happiness, susceptibility to the human
condition, you begin thinking of them as people, and not the
complete problem solving, deep pocket problem solvers that
they once were. You
cannot count on them to solve all your financial or ethical
dilemmas.
Thyself:
Do you not think most people consider this early on?
Me:
I have not considered that until just now.
I have always considered the grand realization of
this fact as the first step of adulthood.
I have a corporate analogy if you are interested.
Thyself:
You are deviating from my question.
This is interesting so try to wrap it up and return
to the first question.
Me:
You obviously do not have the killer lawyer instinct.
My corporate analogy is that when you enter the
business world it's a little like starting on the ground
floor of a big building. You know there are floors of
people above you who surely have a plan. When you reach the top of the building
and discover the roof has no walls or structure and it's
inhabited by mortals who's moods and petty squabbles
determine corporate direction it is pretty sobering.
It is easy to fall off the roof as there are no
walls. Its a
very dangerous place, but very free format.
I would imagine that some people must imagine
some form of structure while they are there, just to keep
sane.
Thyself:
You are speaking in analogies again, make the concept
clearer.
Me:
The corporate analogy relates to the fact that once
you reach into the top of the corporate structure, in most
cases there is no grand plan.
The company direction can change because the CEO had
a bad day, is insecure in his marriage, was raised by all
women, etc. There
are no definitive rules at the top.
Many decisions are based on the shallow emotions of
the top executives. In
large companies, there are few short term radical thinkers,
only long term survivalists.
In small companies, the top is usually some form of
court of the BMOC.
Thyself:
And...
Me:
In small organizations, you will be tolerated as long
as you achieve great wealth for the body.
They will try and take advantage of this fact unless
it is truly enlightened.
In large organizations, you will probably not reach
the top unless you catch the eye of the appropriate people
and are very, very patient.
Thyself:
This is sort of sounding like a business book.
Me:
No, to reemphasize, the top of the building is a very scary
place, once you realize you are on the roof and the
structure can change on a whim.
Just like when you realize your parents cannot solve
all your problems, these two moments have been major
revelations in my life.
Thyself:
What else has been a major revelation?
Me:
The day I really thought that I could truly do
whatever I wanted. I
had a job, money, credit cards.
I could truly do exactly what I wished for a short
period of time, and with some planning and reality, just
about anything I wanted long term.
Thyself:
This sounds somewhat dangerous to the establishment.
Me:
Now you are sounding paranoid.
Thyself:
No, lets return to my original question, when did you
realize that your moods were seasonal.
